'There is definitely no handbook on what to do if a parent dies'

Over the past decade Bereaved Children Support York has helped hundreds of young people. Founded by Jo Cole to help her eight-year-old son after his father died, the charity offers support to children suffering under the weight of their grief.

Sophie was just three when her father, Philip, died suddenly of a heart attack.

Beyond the immediate distress, Sophie and her two brothers also found themselves battling with other a number of other issues.

"I used to really struggle with the sound of ambulances, because of what happened to my dad," she said.

Explaining what happened, Sophie's mother, Lisa, said: "[Philip] had been absolutely fine, he was a runner, he'd come home from a run that Friday afternoon, and sat down at home,"

"I can't even say that he collapsed, he was just sitting on the sofa and I thought he'd fallen asleep.

"We had to call for an ambulance. They tried very, very hard, but they couldn't resuscitate him.

"That was in the afternoon of the Friday and by seven o'clock that evening I was having to come back from the hospital to tell our children that their daddy had died."

It was later confirmed Philip had an undiagnosed heart condition, but, following his death, Lisa struggled to find additional support for her young family.

"At the time our children were three, six and 12," Lisa recalls.

"Other than a little leaflet that I was given at the hospital when I came home, there was nothing, absolutely nothing for our children."

Lisa found out about Bereaved Children Support York (BCSY) shortly after it was set up in 2016 by Jo Cole who had encountered a similar issue when looking for support for her eight-year-old son, Jonny, when her husband, Neil, died of a heart attack.

"You're flung into the situation, and as any parent will know there is no handbook to parenting, but there is definitely no chapter on what to do if a parent dies," says Jo.

"There was stuff with the hospice for people that had been poorly, but for that kind of a sudden death I couldn't find anything, and that's how a few years later Bereaved Children Support was born," she said.

The charity holds informal, monthly drop-in sessions, which both bereaved parents and children can attend to socialise, make arts and crafts and discuss grief.

"The idea of the drop-ins from the start was for children to see they were not alone in their experiences, and that philosophy is still at the heart of what we do," says Jo.

Since 2016, Jo estimates they have seen 350 young people at drop-in sessions.

"The thing about the charity that's nice is you go there, but you don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to talk about anything. But, equally, if you do want to talk about things then you can and it's a very open space," says Sophie.

Sophie began attending drop-in sessions soon after the charity was founded in 2016 and also used their one-to-one support service when she was seven.

"I had help from one of the practitioners at BCSY and she really helped me get over my anxiety around that which was really helpful for me," remembers Sophie.

"When I was younger it used to be very frightening for me, but now I can pass an ambulance in the street going off and I'll be okay."

Sophie, who is now 16, continues to attend monthly drop-ins with her mum, alongside other young people who have also experienced loss.

"I think when you lose a parent you think its only happened to you and when it happened to me I was like 'nobody else will understand'," says Lacie, whose parents both died suddenly when she was young.

"With the group you go and you know that they've all had similar backgrounds, so you've kind of get something in common, even if you don't talk about it you feel like you're not alone," she adds.

Lacie is one of 450 young people who have also accessed the charity's free one-to-one confidential therapeutic support service.

"Last year I went down a really dark path and I went to Jo and said 'can I have some one-to-one' and it really helped me," she says.

"It was the first time I'd fully talked about it and it did help but I guess I didn't want the help because I didn't want to seem weak."

Sophie, Lisa and Lacie say they intend to keep attending BCSY drop-in sessions so they can talk about their grief and help new members who might be experiencing loss for the first time.

"I think it's given me that strength and to hopefully be the best mum I possibly can be for my children," says Lisa.

"It's like a safe space, I get along with everyone and I think it's helping others as well" says Lacie.

If you have been affected by any of the issues in this story you can via support via the BBC's Action Line pages.

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