Rapper turned Reverend Mc Hammer (Haemorrhoid to his business associates
because he was a right pain in the bum) bestrode the early '90s in
his impossibly puffy parachute trousers as rap's biggest superstar.
His 'Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em' album became the biggest selling rap album
of all time. In this pic Hammer has complimented the trousers with
a satin panto dame frock, ideal for the party season. We think you'll
be risking a really rather severe kicking if you emulate this ill-advised
stage gear so best to stick with Hammer's patented baco foil baggies
which you can fashion from the foil turkey wrapping once the family
have finished cooking the bird this Crimbo for a cheap and cheerful
effect. Add singlet vest and countless items of fake jewellery to
suit tastes.
If money is no object we suggest some £4.99, Mr. Byrite '80s
baggy cast-offs (a few shops still operate on Oxford St) combine
these with a portable, battery operated hoover nozzle permanently
switched to on for the extra voluminous baggy effect.
But be warned, this choice risks severe personal injury. Try explaining
in casualty that you were just after the Hammer inflated trouser
effect when doctors are trying to remove the nozzle from your intimate
parts. It won't wash. Trust us.
The super baggies will be ideal for storing industrial quantities
of nuts and crisps at parties this Crimbo and if you are strapped
for cash for pressies, they're great for shoplifting, (so we're told).
Oh, what nice trousers dear but is it windy out?
Abba
Pusscycat dresses for the girls. Platforms for the boys.
Adam Ant Stand & deliver!
Be a real prince charming with this look.
David Bowie Fancy going all
Ziggy Stardust? Spandex and makeup to the ready.
Human League Lopsided haircuts
for the boys and shocking eye makeup for the girls.
Michael Jackson Shamone! How to
achieve this look without cutting of your nose.
Madonna If there's a look,
Madonna's had it. We recommend the Blond Ambition style.
MC Hammer This man certainly
had a distinctive look. Whether you want to copy it is up
to you!
Pepsi & Shirley Puffball skirts,
pettycoats and knee-high socks.
Shakin Stevens Comb up that quiff,
put on the crepe-souled shoes and don a pink jacket.
Slade Whether you wanna
be Dave Hill or Noddy Holder, you'll look crazee like this.
Spandau Ballet To cut a long story
short, this smoothie style has got to be gold.
Spice Girls Sporty, Ginger, Baby,
Scary and Posh. We got the tips for the ladies.
Wham! Even if you don't
want to adopt the Wham! look, the pictures are worth a laugh.
