Next up is the handsome Salvador Sobral who apparently EVERYONE is in love with this year, even the Czech Republic's entrant Martina Sobral, external who got booted out earlier this week.

Salvador's staunch rival from Spain, Manel Naval even let him up on stage to *pretend* to play the trumpet with him. No really. 

The result was wince-inducingly awkward:

That loud whirring sound you can hear is Louis Armstrong and Chet Baker spinning in their graves.

But what the heck, if Celine Dion was allowed to win Eurovision for Switzerland in 1988 (despite the fact she is DEFINITELY Canadian) then anything goes. GO ANJA. 

And yes, that Celine Dion win really did happen. She even did it wearing a tutu and what appears to be a dentist's jacket when she won. Oh, Celine:

Here she is hanging out with Australia's competitor Isaiah (who got through on Tuesday) and also speaking with a (*cough*) Danish accent just to prove she DEFINITELY ISN'T AN AUSTRALIAN. 

Our 10th entry tonight is Anja from Denmark. Yes DENMARK. If you're wondering about the song title 'Where I Am' it's because it’s likely to be an emphatic insistence on her nationality which is well…dubious. 

Anya was actually born and raised entirely in Australia and has only been able to speak Danish for 10 months (she's been listening to some casettes apparently). 

But ermm she has errr Danish parents? And some of her relatives live in Denmark? So that's OK right, Eurovision judges? Yeeeah OK well moving on....

If Italy win it'll be the first non-English song since 2007 to come first. It will also mean a pretty priceless reaction from Francesco if this vid is anything to go by:

Italy's front man Francesco is fervently patriotic and has even taken to hanging up an Italian flag in his dressing room so people know where to find him. He also likes to flout all national stereotypes by crying things like 'Bellisima!' and showering the camera with kisses:

Francesco claims there is actually a very, VERY deep political message behind this song. Apparently, it dissects the way Western people try and imitate Eastern culture to find inner peace and is based on Desmond Morris' 1967 book 'The Naked Ape.' Ha ha. Sure, Francesco, sure.

In case you were wondering, the person inside the gorilla suit (yes, spoiler alert: it’s not a real gorilla) is called Filippo Ranaldi and this is what he looks like out of the mask:

Filippo is a professional choreographer who has worked on The X Factor Italy and has a dance company/hip hop crew called N.ough. 

Well one's thing for sure, I cannot get N. ough of Filipo.

AT LAST, the first of our Big Five contestants has arrived - Francesco Gabbani from Italy with his crackpot song 'Occidentali's Karma' which features (wait for it...) a DANCING GORILLA. 

Francesco 'Mario brother moustache' Gabbani grew up in Tuscany in a musical intrument shop which was run by his parents. This means that any time he gets angry he vents his feelings on the drums. 

Here is what happened when he taught this technique to his backing dancer: 

Papai is jamming away on a drum which looks an awful lot like  a large trophy. One can only assume subliminal messaging is all the rage in Hungary. 

When he's not lighting up the stage with more pyros than an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, Papai likes to hang out with his kids and errr...do impressions of Shrek?

The keen eyed amongst you will have noticed that we've already seen our third violinist of the evening - and there are more to come.

It does seem to be pretty much the law that your entry has to contain a stringed instrument these days, which is a bit of a kick in the teeth for any aspiring Eurovision entrants who spent their childhood years learning the bassoon.

Glad to see that Hungary's belly-dancer got the memo about #whitedressgate 

Hungary's representative this year is Joci Papai who says he is proud to be the first gypsy ever to represent Hungary at the competition. 

If you're wondering why he's towering over his whirling backing dancer it's because he was an avid basketball player in his youth but jacked it all in to focus on his music career. Well, thank God for that. 

The Dutch entry O'G3NE might want to watch out though; Joci went down an absolute STORM in Amsterdam a few weeks ago:

Like Kanye West, Epic Sax Guy likes to wear sunglasses indoors. One can only imagine it's some sort of cyptic reference to the band name 'Sunstroke Project.' 

I mean, what even IS a sunstroke project? Perhaps it's the pounding head and blurry vision you get after listening to Epic Sax Guy for 10 hours. NEXT PLEASE.  

Some charitable person with a STRONG sense of social justice then took time out of their day to create a *10 HOUR* video dedicated entirely to this man and his thrusting woodwind instrument. 

So, if you're wondering what to listen to next time you're on a long haul flight or waiting for HMRC to pick up the phone then this is the video for you (warning: it'll probably induce a nosebleed after about 4 hours):

His real name is Sergey Stepanov and he rose to fame in the 2010 Eurovision Song Contest when SunStroke Project entered the competition with 'Run Away.' Although their performance made many people want to do just that they were actually the surprise hit of that competetion, chalking up millions upon millions of YouTube hits and placing 22nd in the final.

Neil Smith
Entertainment reporter, Kiev

Moldova have never won Eurovision and didn't qualify for the last three contests. But they have this year, partly by bringing back the "Epic Sax Guy" who became an internet celebrity after his performance in 2010.

Sergey Stepanov, though, is just one third of Sunstroke Project, a male trio who've taken on three female backing singers since the last time we saw them.

Image source, Getty Images

Hey Mamma is a funky, jazzy, poppy delight and comes with one of the costume coups of this year's competition.

We won't reveal too much, apart from saying that the band's stated aim to "create a small wedding on stage" is no idle boast.

Oh god, SunStroke Project have just come on stage which means it's time for EPIC SAX GUY. 

For those of you who weren't here for the semi-final, or those of you who have been living under a rock for the last seven years, here is the low-down on the man who is lasciviously thrusting his way around the stage with a brass instrument.

A reminder that the UK's Lucie Jones will be the 18th act on stage. There's actually an awful lot of love out there on the twittersphere for her song 'Never Give Up on You' but generally most of you seem to have given up on her chances of reaching the podium...

All that time growing up together, bickering on the way to school and sharing long journeys through the flat Dutch countryside clearly paid off. 

The fact they spent their entire childhood singing together ad nauseum  is probably  why they were able to pull off this ASTOUNDING party trick at the Eurovision Press Conference 6 days ago. Apparently this technique is called 'echoing':

The Corrs are all screaming furiously at their television sets in Ireland right now.

O'G3NE are also reminiscent of one of the UK's Eurovision hopefuls from last year's You Decide, Darline, who missed out on selection to Joe & Jake... 

The Dutch entry this year is O'G3NE (yeah, me neither) and it is QUITE the family affair. Why? Well...

1. The group is made up of the three Vol sisters; Lisa, Amy and Shelley. 

2. Their song 'Lights and Shadows' was written by their Dad, Rick Vol with a little help from Shelley's boyfriend, Rory. 

3. The weird band name (yes, I'm also looking at you 3OH!3 and UB40) is a reference to their mothers blood type ('O') and the genes that tie the three sisters together (hence the 3). 

Well, one thing's for certain, if this Dutch dream team win the trophy tonight they are going to be sending one hell of a Christmas card this year.

Artsvik's song is called 'Fly With Me' (pipe down, Frank Sinatra) and so she has lost no time showing us how good she is at airplane impressions: