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24 September 2014
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Not only did the Pet Shop Boys bring a touch of theatre to disco pop, they've had some really, er, ground-breaking TV programme ideas over the years. Don't believe us? Check out these howlers.

PET SHOP RESCUE BOYS
Neil
A blatant tug on the heartstrings of animal lovers everywhere, this show featured the synth-pop pardners performing all manner of daring do's in order to rescue people's pets. But the lads' insistence on doing things their way did much to scupper this project. Funnily enough, the sight of Chris Lowe jumping on a mini-trampoline wearing his famous dunce's hat, in order to scare a kitten out of overhead branches caused distress among some viewers, and the show was promptly axed before anyone could witness Neil's benevolent if unique method for removing a badger from a basketball hoop.

ChrisFAT PET SHOP BOYS SLIM
Kind of like a Celebrity Fit Club starring none other than our favourite disco dollies. Neil and Chris were to go on a three month trip around the eateries, cheese-tasting counters and pie-eating contests of South Yorkshire, in a bid to literally become the biggest purveyors of pop, with their arduous eating trainers Demis Roussos and Rik Waller egging them on (sometimes literally). Then Neil and Chris would return to London and try to lose all the weight by employing Geri Halliwell as their lifestyle guru. The combination of Halliwell and all those handheld close-ups proved too nauseating to watch.

Neil againLITTLE PET SHOP BOY OF HORRORS
A very grandiose experiment this turned out to be. Fastidious florist Neil grows a singing Bonsai bush which much to his chagrin, demands a daily dose of ever so cheesy soft metal tunes. The pushy bush slowly takes over Neil's shop eventually committing the cardinal sin of eating Neil's precious collection of hedge-based Liza Minelli lookalikes. Seeing the horticultural carnage, Neil flees leaving the bush free to learn the guitar, grow a mullet and form Bon Jovi. Look out for a shrub in the background with a baseball cap on, that's Chris. The boys learned a lot from this slice of self-indulgent pap and went on to make It Couldn't Happen Here.

More ChrisTHE MULTI-COLOURED SWAP SHOP BOYS
Jumping daintily on the nostalgia TV bandwagon, Neil and Chris thought it would be a corking idea to resurrect the famous Saturday morning TV show, if only a chance to give their Christmas sweaters an airing. Unfortunately, the swapping part of the show never took off. No one was in the slightest bit interested in swapping Noel Edmonds, not even for a slightly used Buckaroo. Nor could the lads find anyone interested in owning Chris's dazzling array of neon-lit toilet roll holders, or Neil's prized collection of celebrity-owned rubber gloves. Funny that.

Neil yet againPET SHOP BOYS WIN PRIZES
Much like the Pets' more recent albums, this was something of a self indulgent project. Touted as a game show hosted by Neil and Chris, who would take it in turn to be contestants and do all manner of "zany" things in order to win a load of prizes. Ask yourself, do you really want to see Neil Tennent moonwalking over 100 metres of honey-coated bubblewrap just in order to win a year's subscription to Hello! Magazine? No, neither did anyone else. Not deterred by the lack of interest, the Boys defiantly said they would make this show anyway, and you know what, left to their own devices, they probably would.

  The Gardener's Delight  
  Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your Top 5 grow ....  
  Fatboy Jims & Lardy Ladies  
  The singers who took their sex, drugs & rock 'n' roll with a slice of cake...  
  Britpop Busters  
  Five facts about the legendary Britpoppers...  
  Filmed In Technovision  
  Enter the world of experimental telly according to the Pet Shop Boys
  Punk Pretenders?  
  Perfectly Punked? Nah, at heart they were all a bunch of old softies...  
  Front Bottom!  
  We name and shame the bands named after a lady's privates...
  Bring Your Gran  
  Golden oldies who joined forces with youthful pop people...  
  2003's Demented Predictions  
  TOTP2's bonkers ball-gazer predicts this year's pop ups and downs...  
  The Erasure Story  
  Trip through the history of the UK'S top synth duo...
  Rubbish Xmas Songs  
  What not to play at your Christmas party...  
  Bag Of Bones  
  Legends that should have eaten their greens. Bring out the lard...  
  Banned by the BBC  
  The songs that were just too hot to handle ...  
  Fortune Smiles Upon Them  
  Be they works of genius, accident or stealing, these songs are lucky to be alive.  
  Elton John  
  Drugs, Diana, dirty deeds. It's a wonder that he's still standing...  
  Inxs-ive Lifestyles  
  We examine Australia's biggest export since Fosters...  
  Poodle Rockers  
  Gravity-defying perms and spandex trousers, they're the Poodle Rockers...
  Madness  
  Welcome to the house of factual fun...  
  Status Quo  
  We take a trip down memory lane with the mighty Quo...  
  Pop Activists  
  Top pop people who fight for the rights...  
  Singing Drummers  
  Drummers who got sick of looking at the lead singer's wiggling bum.  
  Rolling Stones  
  Headline-grabbing moments from Britain's lippiest band.  
  David Bowie  
  Follow Dave's top 5 looks through the years - including the mullet action!  
  Hot Chocolate  
  Indulge yourself in the pleasure that is Errol and the gang  
  "Secret" Drug Songs  
  "It was inspired by this crazy picture my son painted." Yeah, right...  
  Abba-nother Go  
  You were going to call it what? 5 working titles from the Super Swedes...  
  In & Out Of Bed With Madonna  
  Collaborations for the Queen of Pop that didn't end at 5.30...  
  Self-Love  
  Songs that gave a whole new meaning to 'Born To Hand Jive'...  
  Slade  
  For those that glam-rocked, we all salute you...  
  Supergrass  
  A trip through the lambchop elite's glory story...  
  '80s Revival Hell  
  Alas, some pop icons just wouldn't let that decade go.  


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