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24 September 2014
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Fatboy Jims, and Lardy Ladies
The big BIG stars who took their sex & drugs & rock 'n' roll with added cake...


no 1Barry White
Barry WhiteDon't be under the impression that we have come to mock the larger figure in pop. Hell, if Big Baz hadn't had the physique to match that ridiculously deep, dark baritone, his jaw would surely have vibrated off his face by now. And it's not as if being the shape of a triple-chocolate Magnum Easter egg has done the man any harm in the love stakes either. Since Tom Jones went all squeamish on us, Barry remains the one man guaranteed to mop the sweat from his brow using only the finest lingerie (or pants, if he's performing in Swindon) his audience can supply. You just can't DO that without a strong stomach, and Barry has a belly that could bench-press Neptune.

Weather Girlsno 2The Weather Girls
It's a little-known fact, but there used to be around 30 Weather Girls. No, really. Unfortunately, when their camp classic 'It's Raining Men' was first put to tape, 28 of them had eaten a particularly ripe curry the night before, and actually exploded during the recording. If you listen carefully, you can hear them go off, one by one, at the beginning of each chorus (it goes "It's raining men [BOOM!] Hallelujah", if you're unsure). Being plucky sorts, the troupe battled on to finish the song, in a hail of gore, until there were only two left standing. These traumatic events were not replicated when Geri Halliwell came to record her own version of the song, much to the annoyance of anti-Spicers the world over.

no 3Demis RoussosDemis Roussos
At one point, it became impossible to switch on the telly in the late '70s without seeing some comedian or other 'doing' Demis in a big robe with a sofa cushion stuffed up the front. Oddly, the reality was far stranger. For starters, Demis's impressive size made his tiny, tremulous voice seem all the more unworldly, like hearing a tiny mouse singing an aria from inside a giant tortoise. In fact, it's fair to say that the impassioned Roussos howl made just as an indelible impression on everyone who heard it as his feet did on the TOTP stage.

Reneno 4Rene
Despite the evidence of this picture, NOT the bumbling French waiter from the '80s BBC wartime sitcom 'Allo Allo'. The Rene we mean was the bumbling Italian waiter from real life who somehow bellied his way up to the top of the charts back in 1982 with 'Save Your Love'. Hiding his impressive girth in a variety of pastel golfing jumpers (which are oddly back in fashion these days, ask David Beckham) Rene lobbed roses up to singing partner Renate's balcony with the kind of practised wrist action you only get from years tossing pizza-dough around Italian kitchens. They must've left out the shots of Rene instinctively catching every other one he threw in his mouth and gulping them down...

no 5Chaka KhanChaka Khan
Now here's a lady who could rock the larger lady look in some style. Chaka poo-poo-ed the enormous-tent-blouse-and-elasticated-waist-trousers-look in favour of leather mini-dresses, fishnets and thigh-high boots. As if this weren't startling enough, she also took to strutting about with what can only be described as a dense fog of hair emanating from her head. It made her look not unlike some kind of tubby S&M gonk, surrounded by break-dancers. And they say the Sixties were freaky...

  The Gardener's Delight  
  Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your Top 5 grow ....  
  Fatboy Jims & Lardy Ladies  
  The singers who took their sex, drugs & rock 'n' roll with a slice of cake...  
  Britpop Busters  
  Five facts about the legendary Britpoppers...  
  Filmed In Technovision  
  Enter the world of experimental telly according to the Pet Shop Boys
  Punk Pretenders?  
  Perfectly Punked? Nah, at heart they were all a bunch of old softies...  
  Front Bottom!  
  We name and shame the bands named after a lady's privates...
  Bring Your Gran  
  Golden oldies who joined forces with youthful pop people...  
  2003's Demented Predictions  
  TOTP2's bonkers ball-gazer predicts this year's pop ups and downs...  
  The Erasure Story  
  Trip through the history of the UK'S top synth duo...
  Rubbish Xmas Songs  
  What not to play at your Christmas party...  
  Bag Of Bones  
  Legends that should have eaten their greens. Bring out the lard...  
  Banned by the BBC  
  The songs that were just too hot to handle ...  
  Fortune Smiles Upon Them  
  Be they works of genius, accident or stealing, these songs are lucky to be alive.  
  Elton John  
  Drugs, Diana, dirty deeds. It's a wonder that he's still standing...  
  Inxs-ive Lifestyles  
  We examine Australia's biggest export since Fosters...  
  Poodle Rockers  
  Gravity-defying perms and spandex trousers, they're the Poodle Rockers...
  Madness  
  Welcome to the house of factual fun...  
  Status Quo  
  We take a trip down memory lane with the mighty Quo...  
  Pop Activists  
  Top pop people who fight for the rights...  
  Singing Drummers  
  Drummers who got sick of looking at the lead singer's wiggling bum.  
  Rolling Stones  
  Headline-grabbing moments from Britain's lippiest band.  
  David Bowie  
  Follow Dave's top 5 looks through the years - including the mullet action!  
  Hot Chocolate  
  Indulge yourself in the pleasure that is Errol and the gang  
  "Secret" Drug Songs  
  "It was inspired by this crazy picture my son painted." Yeah, right...  
  Abba-nother Go  
  You were going to call it what? 5 working titles from the Super Swedes...  
  In & Out Of Bed With Madonna  
  Collaborations for the Queen of Pop that didn't end at 5.30...  
  Self-Love  
  Songs that gave a whole new meaning to 'Born To Hand Jive'...  
  Slade  
  For those that glam-rocked, we all salute you...  
  Supergrass  
  A trip through the lambchop elite's glory story...  
  '80s Revival Hell  
  Alas, some pop icons just wouldn't let that decade go.  


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