United becoming a 'circus' - and only heading one waypublished at 11:59 GMT 9 December 2025
Paul McNicoll
Fan writer

Common belief says you should never wake a sleepwalker. Apparently that also applies to Dundee United, because very few in this squad seem brave enough to give this team the almighty shake it so desperately needs.
Honestly, at this point, I'd happily risk the folklore curses and yank the lot of them out of their trance if it stops us sleep-stumbling into the relegation zone.
Because right now? Our form isn't below par, it's completely off the chart. We started the season dreaming of European nights, picturing ourselves jetting off to glamorous places like Vienna, again.
Instead, we're on course for a romantic Friday evening in Dunfermline, eating sub-standard steak bridies and pondering where it all went wrong. We're terrible. Painfully, spectacularly, award-winningly terrible… at present.
And here's the thing that really melts my brain - we have played well at times. Briefly. Fleetingly. So few and far between and rare that I'm unsure if I actually saw it.
Recently, though? It's been a circus. We have goalkeepers that inspire as much confidence as a three-legged chair, defenders who seem allergic to the ball, a midfield that has essentially become 'Panutche Camara and his baffled assistants', and forwards who don't create nearly enough danger for opposition defences.
You don't need a Uefa coaching badge to see where this is heading. Any team with this many issues isn't climbing the table, it's tripping down it.
And the summer transfer window? Oh, we were buzzing. We thought we'd pulled off a recruitment masterclass. We were praising the club like they'd reinvented the wheel.
Now those same players have 'settled in' and we look less like a team and more like a group project where nobody wants to do the work.
Half of them don't even look like they fancy the fight, which is kind of essential in Scottish football, where the weather alone tries to two-foot you every weekend.
It's all a bit grim, to put it mildly. But hey, Santa hasn't shown up yet. There's time. If the big man could kindly leave a competent goalkeeper under the tree, and maybe a defender with a pulse, we might still salvage something.
As things stand, though, top six feels about as realistic as United heading to America next June to compete in the World Cup.
Paul McNicoll can be found at the Dode Fox Podcast, external




















