I'll bid you goodnight. Thanks for joining us for all the "bling bling" as Ronaldo put it at the end there.

Strange end to the night, Cristiano Ronaldo on stage showing off his trophy like he's just won Best Picture.

Anyway, some very worthy winners there, and it wasn't anywhere near as painful as it could have been. Done and dusted in 90 minutes is grand.

Portugal forward Cristiano Ronaldo: "It is a dream. First of all, I have to say thank you to my team-mates in the national team in the last 20 years that I used to play with. The record was 109, right? So six ahead. I am so proud. It is a special award from Fifa - an organisation I respect a lot. I also have to thank my family. Soon I will be a father again. I am proud. It is great to be the goalscorer of all time.

"I still have the passion for the game and to score goals. I play football since I was five years old. When I go to the pitch, even in training, my motivation is still there. Even 37 soon, I feel good. I keep working hard. I love the game and have the passion. I want to continue. I hope to play maybe four or five years, It is all mental. If you treat your body good, when you need it it will give back."

And Ronaldo is here in person.

You just can't keep him away from a gong show can you? It's for Cristiano Ronaldo for scoring lots of goals - the most in men's international football in fact. Just a cheeky 115 of them.

But wait... it's not over. We've got one last special award to hand out. Who is it for?

Bayern Munich and Poland striker Robert Lewandowski: "Thank you very much. I am very honoured to win this trophy and feel proud. I know it belongs to my team-mates and coaches. We all work hard to win the games. It is special to work with these guys around me.

"I never dream about breaking this record [of Gerd Muller's]. To score 41 in 29 games - if you ask me that a few years ago if it is possible I would tell you it is impossible. I also say to him thank-you. He set so many records and to me it was always the next step to try and break it."

Oh, look at this. Lewandowski is getting the award in person. Nice.

Lionel Messi has had a wasted evening on Zoom.

Two years on the trot for Lewa!

Here is Lewa, laid in bed, his hand on his Best trophy.

Will he win it again this year, though?

Image source, Getty Images

The reigning champ.

The Bayern Munich and Poland striker took the Best Fifa Men's Player Award last year, beating both Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi to the prize.

The 33-year-old has barely let up his remarkable goalscoring form since, scoring a stunning 51 goals in 45 games for club and country in the qualifying time for the award. I mean, seriously!

He helped Bayern win the Fifa Club World Cup in February last year and the club to yet another Bundesliga title in the same season.

During this, he broke a big Bundesliga record. Lewandowski found the back of the net 41 times in 29 games, beating Gerd Muller’s previous record of 40 goals in 34 matches during the 1971/72 season.

He also scored eight goals in 12 qualifiers to help Poland reach the play-offs for the World Cup finals in Qatar this December. They will need to get past Russia.

Image source, Getty Images

And in the red corner... the sole Premier League representative in the men's award category, Mohamed Salah.

The Liverpool forward has been in red-hot form - possibly the best form of any player in the "best league in the world". The Reds may not have continued their trophy-winning ways of previous campaigns, but Salah has kept banging them in, scoring 26 times in 45 matches for club and country.

He is now his country's second-highest scorer of all time, having surpassed Hassan El Shazly's tally of 42 goals in March. He is currently trying to help Egypt win the Africa Cup of Nations.

He is also now the highest-scoring African in Premier League history and the first Liverpool player since Ian Rush to score 20 or more in all competitions in five successive seasons. He took just 159 appearances to reach 100 Liverpool goals. In the club’s long history, only two players – Roger Hunt (144) and Jack Parkinson (153) – reached the century mark in fewer outings.

Image source, Getty Images

A member of the final three nominees for the Best Fifa Men's Player in four of the previous years, Lionel Messi is again shortlisted.

It was a pretty emotional year for the 34-year-old Argentine, who celebrated winning the Copa America with Argentina (after scoring four goals and setting up five more) and then shed tears as he left his spiritual home of Barcelona to join PSG.

His move to Ligue 1 ended a record-breaking 21 years at Barca, during which he scored 672 goals in 778 games and won 24 major trophies.

Between 8 October and 7 August, he scored 38 times in 47 games for club and country.

Captain Messi played every minute of every qualifier and contributed two of Argentina’s nine goals in reaching the 2022 World Cup finals in Qatar. It will be a record-equalling fifth finals for the man.

I don't speak Spanish sadly, so I can't tell you what Alexia is saying about her win. "Brilliant," says Jermaine Jenas in response, so she must have said something good.

Image source, Getty Images

Barcelona's second nominee on the Best Women's list is midfielder Alexia Putellas. It was a year of firsts for the 27-year-old, who became the first female to score in a competitive match at the Nou Camp and scored in the first-ever women’s El Clasico against Real Madrid.

Her 18 goals in 31 games - from midfield remember - inspired Barcelona to a record-breaking season in the Primera Division. As already stated, they seized 99 points from a possible 102 and finished with a +152 goal difference. She also scored and assisted in Barca's Champions League final win over Chelsea. Her two goals sunk Levante 4-2 in the Copa de la Reina final to complete the treble.

On the international front, she helped Spain qualify for the Uefa Women’s Euro finals in England in 2022.

Image source, Getty Images

Chelsea's Aussie superstar has been smashing it for club and country. Her 21 goals in 22 games helped the Blues win a second WSL title in as many seasons, while she also starred in their FA and League Cup wins and run to the Champions League final.

She ended 2021 as Australia’s top scorer (7) and assist-provider (3) - an effort that made her the Matildas’ all-time leading scorer.

In the space of just four years, Kerr has won an incredible six Golden Boot awards across three separate leagues, in three different continents (NWSL in 2017, 2018, 2019; W-League in 2017/18 and 2018/19; WSL in 2020/21).

If you want a real authority to explain Kerr's brilliance, just listen to her club boss Emma Hayes. “As far as I’m concerned Sam Kerr is the best striker in the world," she said. "She takes responsibility. Every time I listen to her and every time I watch her perform, she’s in charge and in control of making sure that she sets the standards for herself. That’s what I admire about her.”

She also floored a supporter who ran on and started acting the fool during a Champions League game with Juventus.