...and the banter just keeps on coming!

Question from Jack Stewart: After the Crimewatch sketch with Ronald Villiers, can you give us your best Crimewatch face to the webcam?
Ford: You'll see this in about 30 seconds, pal, cos there's a delay wi' this thing. And it's pixelated!
BBC Host: Ford grabs the paper doily from under his nuts and peers through it.

Question from Garry Fitzpatrick: Why do you never do any sketches regarding football fans ie Celtic and Rangers?
Greg: It's covered very well by Only An Excuse.
Ford: We're pish at fitba.
Greg: A bit like Dunfermline.

Question from Haris McMan: I used tae go tae a drama school called PACE, in this series will we be seeing a lot of my PACE buddies?
Ford: Yes you will, we use PACE a lot.

Question from Stevo Yabas: How come u don’t make sketches slagging people from Edinburgh?
Greg: It's too far away.
Ford: They're makin' a good enough job theirsels!
Greg: This show's aboot Scotland and everyone knows Edinburgh's in England.

Question from Mike Enstone: What is the punchline to Ford's favourite joke?
Ford: Wears the candle, doesn't it?
Ford: I'm going to eat grass - you brace yourself!

Question from Neil Ferrisey: Is it true you had to tone down the jokes to allow the English to understand the banter?
Greg: Eh, no.
Ford: No, we had to tone down the banter to let the English understand the programme.

Question from Ballistic Bob: Is Ballistic Bob representative of any of your own natures?
Ford: Keep watching! (attempts to wreck webcam).
Ford: Ask anybody that's tried to tune in a VCR with a hangover.

Question from Helen C: Why don’t you come out to the sticks for some new material? eg Coatbridge, plenty characters there!
Ford: Away and gie's peace!

Question from Mike from Liverpool: Have either of you ever done any stand up?
Ford: Both of us. That's how we met.
Greg: Aye, standin' up!

Question from Yvonne Chalmers: Are either of you married? I thought that Greg was married to Julie Nimmo, but I've noticed that she isn't in the new series! What's all that about? (if you don't mind me asking?!?)
Greg: I'm married to Julie, she's not in the new series cos she had a baby.

Question from John MacFarlane: Do you feel responsible for all the Glesga kids with twisted nipples?
Ford: Very sad.
Greg: Pretty sad, actually. We should've thought long and hard about that. We had some crackin' wedgie sketches! It could've been worse than sore nipples!
Ford: Consider yersels lucky - it could've been Scanty Man!

Question from Scott Morrison: Which is better Greg? The Live Floor Show or Chewin the Fat?
Greg: Chewin' the Fat.
Ford: The Live Floor Show!

Comment from John Alan: I know a wee burd who nipped your mate Paul from the show and she said he’s hung like a wasp!!!
Ford: (BBC Host: Once he'd stopped laughing!) She should consider hersel lucky - all the other birds he's stung are at the bottom of the Clyde!

Question from Charli Clayton: Greg, r u really Canadian or is it just patter to make you sound interesting?
Greg: Er ... yes!
Ford: The questions better start gettin' interesting, there's only 5 mins left.

Question from Bonnie Earl: Do you think your comedy could travel to Europe or even the States?
Greg: It's already been sold to Germany, France, Poland, Portugal, Switzerland, Austria…
Ford: …and we're speaking to Fox in America!

Question from Neill Dorans: Is series 4 going to be released on video?
Ford & Greg: Yes.
Greg: Christmas?
Ford: November.

Question from Joe Wall: How long does it take to write the average series?
Ford: An average series, we would write in about 5 minutes. An excellent series takes about 6 months.

Question from Gonk Dobber: Did you get any royalties from the Chewin' the Fat rave song that was going about last year?
Ford: Unfortunately the royalty was Fergie, which isn’ae quite royal!
Greg: No, we didn't.

Question from Jay: Who is the guy who whistles his S based on?
Ford: He's based on a guy that I met who just whistled when he spoke.

Question from Karen Smith: My son wants to know what’s the brown stuff you use in the sewers?
Ford: It's real sh*t.
Greg: We learned that from De Niro.
Ford: We're Stanislavsky trained.

Question from Kath Pedersen: What's the fascination with peas?
Greg: Peas are just funny. Don't you agree?

Question from Aly Turner: Where did you get the title "Chewin' The Fat from?
Ford: It was nearly called The Missing Finger. And the other one was, Your Baws Are Cheesy. Aye, Yer Maw, was another possibility.

Question from Adam Cairns: Why are you killing off the lighthouse keepers.
Greg: Cos we were worried that people were going to tire of them…
Ford: …and Virgin bought the Lighthouse.

Question from Nik Price: Does 'doin the Big Man give you a sore throat?
Ford: What's it got to dae wi you, fanny baws? I'll gie you a sore throat!

Question from Lobby Dosser: Why the fascination with cheesy baws?
Greg: Why not?
Ford: There's nothing fascinating about them.

BBC Host: Last question coming up...

Question from Scott Morrison: Will we be seeing the Glasweigan cowboys tonight?
Ford: Yes, in about 3 minutes, so f**k off! Greg: Ya e-pr*cks.

Comment from Marc Clift: A sketch to do with "yer maw’s crabs on a piece" would make a good sketch - wit dae ya hink?
BBC Host: Couldn't resist that one - snuck in at the end.
Greg: Ye canny throw yer piece tae yer crabby weans oot a twenty storey flat.

BBC Host: A final word from the guys...
Greg & Ford: Thanks for having us. Youse will never amount to f**k all.

BBC Host: Such nice boys!

Check out what the guys had to say
last time they popped in for a chat.

Why not join us over on Talk Scotland and talk about
your favourite sketches and characters?