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Guide Entry: Planet Earth
by Jodie Flavell
Earth n. Planet surrounded by controversy due to its needless destruction in order to make way for a hyperspatial express route. Historically designated as "harmless", this rating was sexed up to "mostly harmless" by our former Earth correspondent Ford Prefect (see the second entry under Prefect, Ford.) The Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council used this entry in our highly respected guide to substantiate claims that Earth was an immediate danger to the intergalactic community and could therefore be destroyed to make way for the "Intergalactic Democratic Highway", to prevent future wars and interplanetary congestion, without question.
A later independent inquiry based upon the 264 word dossier of evidence accumulated by Mr. Prefect found that his claims that the planet was "mostly harmless" were unsubstantiated and Earth did not have the ability to develop weapons of intergalactic destruction within 45,000 years. This over reliance on secondary evidence due to a lack of intelligence would have been discovered before the demolition of Earth had the plans been displayed more prominently. Methodological errors were also found in Mr. Prefect's latterly extended analysis, as his sole area of exploration had been the Earth country of England and his close study of Earth life forms extended to one, untypical, specimen of its humanoid inhabitants: Arthur Dent (see Dent, Arthur and our hourly updated holographic wall chart of endangered species).
While our editorial staff stands steadfastly behind Mr. Prefect and his decision to submit unsubstantiated claptrap we also remain firm in our duty to public service, education and in depth research and thus proudly define the now defunct Earth as "harmless".
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