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tongue:
A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the
line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.
yogurt:
Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented
milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same
as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.
recipe:
A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients
you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the
dog won't eat the rest of.
porridge:
Thick oatmeal rarely found on tables since children were granted
the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the
words "Putrid", "hORRId" and "sluDGE".
preheat:
To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking
a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in,
as well as when it is removed.
oven:
Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat
and poultry.
microwave
oven:
Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to
locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking
compartment.
calorie:
Basic measure of the amount of rationalisation offered by the average
individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.
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