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Programme Two
Simon Fisher, 9-year-old prodigy, was Alan's first guest. A fellow of Oxford University and highly obnoxious, Alan was compelled to ask Simon's dad, 'When did you first realise that Simon was abnormal?' Simon scorned Alan for claiming to have watched Bernard Cribbins starring in Hamlet.
For this, Alan slapped the boy.
Janey Katz was up next. Janey claimed to be a hypnotherapist, not a hypnotist. Alan could not see a difference. She described Alan as 'clinically fascinating' and proceeded to hypnotise him. The experience was unpleasant. Alan became 8 years old again and was bullied on a cross country run by schoolboy Steven McCombe who referred to Alan as smelly Alan Fartridge.
 Alan said this when restored to full consciousness.
Nick Ford, a young, bad-boy lawyer, was Alan's final guest. They didn't get on. 'Why do you affect a cockney accent when you went to Harrow?' asked Alan. Mr Ford and Simon were arguing. The show had to stop when Simon Fisher wet himself. Alan Partridge, dry as a bone, decided to end on that bombshell.
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